Hello my loves,
I hope you’re all having a great week so far!
Today is my day off. Every other week I have nothing on a Tuesday and it’s really blissful. Just the thought that I only have to get through another three days and then I can rest properly again gives me the strength to get through the week.
First, today’s positive happenings.
Look at my brand-new, shiny toy:
It’s not really a toy at all. It’s the most amazing chair I’ve ever sat in. It actually moves with you. If I lean forwards it comes with me, if I fancy leaning back a bit then I can just lean away. It has a little pump to fill part of the back-rest with air to support my lower back. Everything is adjustable. It’s wonderful.
Plus the colour is pretty cheering.
I didn’t realise it was going to be quite this bright but I kinda’ love it.
I really hope that it will help writing essays and researching online a bit easier.
Also lovely today was meeting with Natalie and Dan for lunch. These two are the cutest couple I know (after Tom and moi of course).
It was really nice to see the two of them again, it’s always nice to feel free to talk. Although I have some really fantastic friends here, I still feel more relaxed when I’m talking to people from home. People who know me outside of uni, away from the context of my condition, who know what I’m really like.
I bought a pot of pasta and tomato sauce from the canteen and, because I felt like I needed a treat, a skinny vanilla iced latte and a slice of banana bread. Indulgent yes, but delicious also. And we all need a bit of banana bread in our lives sometimes
So this was all pleasant and relaxing.
Then came a chore I have a love/hate relationship with. Food shopping.
If I were a normal person I would absolutely love food shopping. I would love walking up and down the aisles of the supermarket, examining all of the different foods. I would love going into the local farm shop and having a chat with the fishmonger, picking out fresh herbs, buying locally made chutneys. I would love visiting the organic supermarket and gazing longingly at all of the wondrous health foods.
But. I had to take my cane because my knees have been playing up so I can’t push a trolley. Carrying a basket hurts. Bending down and reaching up hurts. Carrying the food in a bag on my shoulder hurts.
Luckily my lovely (I definitely overuse that word) friend Kathryn came with me so she helped where she could. But I can’t ask her to reach everything for me and she has her own food to carry.
Being disabled with any sort of outward visual sign exposes your fellow human beings. It separates the polite, the thoughtful, the caring, and the selfless, from the selfish, self-centred, and ignorant. You can tell a lot about people from the way they interact with the disabled or the elderly.
Honestly, sometimes after a hard trip out like this afternoon’s, part of me wants to give up on people. Especially when they walk towards you, chatting with their friend and neither makes any effort to move. Especially when people actually physically push past you. It really makes you feel like everyone is in their own bubble, self-centred, they’ll only help if it suits them or if it’s in their own interest. I have to work really hard to remember that not all people are like that. Many people are kindhearted. Many people do care. Many people do help.
And then, just one polite and thoughtful person will show you why it’s important to keep faith in people. A lovely, friendly looking man stopped, stood back and let me pass. Even though there probably would have been room for both of us. That’s all it takes.
I hope I was one of these people five years ago.
How do you feel about these sorts of issues?
What makes you lose faith in people?
When was the last time you treated yourself? Go on, you deserve it!